Step in, Step out. Look into my crystal ball.
mademoiselle Zara, 140990 hotmail/facebook/tumblr Dysfunctional in my stupor, but if you look beneath the surface, you'd find whimsical serendipity. — Excuse me while I kiss the sky Poetry Men see things in a box, and women see them in a round room. Exits Allure Bloom Crane Denotation Enigmatism Flair Grace Hope Initiation Archives October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 February 2010 Credits ©Glamouresque.	Wednesday, October 29, 2008, 6:12 AM It's amazing how the world goes around you know. People talk so much of what they know nothing about. Then again everybody does that crime unintentionally don't we? You do it. I do it. I think even animals do it too. Because hey! what are we? A species known as human beings. People talk, people assume, people judge, when honestly they know nothing at all. They like to assume like they know it, and then open their mouths and talk about it. So when this kind of things happen, we should clearly treat these situations as though they're crows, and shoot them down with a marlin rifle. Oh ya, forgot to add and watch them die. , 3:17 AM Oh baby, baby, it's a wild world Drama rama trauma. Not really in a typing mood anymore. Been watching alot of independent films recently. They're pretty awesome since they're not mainstream. Everyday I'm so hooked on watching a movie. I guess it's the notion of slipping out and having my mind on something else. Can't really watch any super duper romantic movies though. It either suffocates me or breaks me. Don't wanna take that ride. Though I really want to watch moulin rouge, i think i might just die at the end of the movie. Especially there's one song that drives me up the wall. My Ipod just loves to play it on random mode. El Tango De Roxanne We have a dance! In the brothels of Buenos Aires Tells the story Of the prostitute and the man Who fell in love... with her. First there is desire Then... passion! Then... suspicion! Jealosy! Anger! Betrayel! Where love is for the highest bidder, There can be no trust. Without trust,. there is no love! Jealosy. Yes, jealosy... Will drive youwill drive youwill drive you mad.. Roxanne You don't have to put on that red light Walk the streets for money You don't care if it's wrong or if it is right Roxanne You don't have to wear that dress tonight Roxanne You don't have to sell your body to the night Her eyes upon your face Her hand upon your hand Her lips caress your skin It's more than I can stand Tuesday, October 28, 2008, 1:42 AM It's a very very cruel world Horoscope for October 28, 2008 The Bottom Line You are currently running the risk of freezing under all the thinking you're doing. In Detail You are currently running the risk of freezing up, under all the icy-cold-logic-thinking you're doing. You can try to analyze the unseen, but you probably won't ever succeed. Stop spending so much time thinking about ideas, and get back into the rules of the real world. There are people who need you to get back in touch with them and get involved in what is going on. Your input is too valuable for them to do without. So today, try to get out of your own head, for a change. How freaky is that man. Sunday, October 26, 2008, 6:41 AM turn left turn right I can't seem to sleep neither can I just shake off the rush of emotions with what I just saw. When beautiful things happened, we stop, we take a look, we let the world pass us by to just take it whatever that's in front of our eyes. But after that short period of concentration, we are pulled back into reality. Something each and everyone of us have to admit that isn't fair. We run, we hide, we cry, we laugh, we curse, we blame, we hurt, we experience all directions whether we want it or not. We are humans and it is human nature to make mistakes. The stereotypical "they" as we all know tells us everything we know. They say " you make mistakes, to learn from it. To acknowledge the wrong, and become better.". But, everybody deals with their own issues differently. Some agree to that statement, some lets not assume but may not. Yes, we all are humans. We are all individuals that have different views, different lives, different opinions but mostly different personalities. We are not made in any certain way to be the same from everybody. We, You were made to stand out. I have different feelings and thoughts. My soul is astray, beat-less and colourless. I need to be away from noisy world. Read a book or sit under an isolated alone tree. Maybe, my soul will then come back to me. Saturday, October 25, 2008, 6:10 PM Met Jemie after school and we both weren't sure what we were going to do last night. We ate unhealthy food, we laughed, we rushed, we watched by far the cutest movie out in town. ( I think you know what i'm talking about ) Finally convinced Kat to join our little get-together, and then we said to ourselves : " Great, now what are we going to do?" Believe me when i say, that night took us all by surprise. It was 100% budgeted but yet money couldn't buy what we shared. We sat by the riverside and chat our lives away. Laughed at each other when everybody started to spin alittle out of control. Haha, yeah just alittle bit. We danced, we sang, we fell and well we all got some bruises. Jemie, you know what i mean. We'll see what will happen tonight, hopefully no more bruises this time around. xoxo. , 5:07 PM whatcha think about that My latest obsession. Maybe I should take up striptease. whatcha think about that? Friday, October 24, 2008, 12:57 AM Don't make me cry It seems like yesterday that my world fell from the sky. I don't know what to do, where to go, what to think. I get all tangled up in my isolation without a sound. What does she have that you couldn't find in me The more i try and find a reason, the more i bleed My wounds are so deep, i can barely get a grip. What do i do now, where do i begin? So I scream, scream cause it hurts Your every word cuts me inside Thursday, October 23, 2008, 11:50 PM A story of sex, thugs and Rock n Roll. If you haven't watched this movie yet, please do. This is the best shit ever. It's twisted, it's dirty, it's psychedelic and it's something you should not miss. Tuesday, October 21, 2008, 4:21 AM THINK YOU KNOW HMMMMMM? object width="464" height="388" classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000"> See more Natalie Portman videos at Funny or Die I want one too, damnit. , 3:38 AM I'm on the highway to hell Trust me when i say that song was one of the songs that kept me through hell and back. Beautiful lyrics: No stop signs, speed limit No body's gonna slow me down Like a wheel, gonna spin it No body's gonna mess me round Hey Satan, payed my dues Playing in a rocking band Hey Momma, look at me I'm on my way to the promised land I'm on the highway to hell Yes, on the journey to hell I pictured, put together and even attended a rock show in my illusions. The electrifying guitars, the rugged-looking drummer, the screaming crowd, the bombshell groupies, and finally a bare bodied lead singer. Through the pain and the vain, I attended a rock concert for myself. Heavy but yet comforting music that was just distracting me from reality. It's been a week or so now and i think it's time to stop junking out on junk food. Enough is enough and macs isn't going to cut it! Enough of idly staring out into air with blank spaces in my mind. Time to get off my arse and do some kick boxing. I meant it literally, not in actually fact boxing. Just as i was passing time and waiting to watch f.r.i.e.n.d.s, Psychosocial by slipknot was on the telly. Stereotypical as this sounds, I like it so maybe you should too. Really seem to have a liking for this song after hearing it time and time again. favourite lines: And the rain will kill us all. We Throw ourselves against the wall. The Academy Is... Summer Hair = Forever Young The hardest part is leaving Don't you wonder why... Suddenly, we're all running out of time. You've got a beautiful song there, you'll never know it could be on the radio one day. I'm glad to have been somewhat part of it. I think. yeah. Sunday, October 19, 2008, 7:35 PM Let's speak french Let's speak french Ratatouille's on Disney channel, how ironic is that? I was just talking to Kat about the movie in the afternoon. Anyways, I finally got my nails painted. I missed my nails being painted, it was naked for too long. I've made a decision and i think I'm gonna take up french. Since I'm gonna go to country that speaks french, might as well pick up the language. P.s, i got a personal tutor for that, right kat? Saturday, October 18, 2008, 7:47 PM I don't know why I keep letting myself read stuff that upsets me. Makes me feel like a fool, and all tied up in knots inside. I keep letting myself get affected by all these when i just should stay away. , 2:28 PM I don't know what i'm doing anymore Nightmares keep haunting me. I feel like i can't break away my chains, as much as i should be free from them. It's a Saturday, Saturdays are not meant to be depressing. Heard the flight tickets were confirmed. Winter's coming, it'll be cold, depressing and well at least it won't be Singapore. Friday, October 17, 2008, 2:06 AM You grabbed my hands so tightly that you hurt me I'll miss going all the way to meet you. I'll miss your family smiles when they used to see me around. I'll miss seeing your sister tucked in bed for school, while i'm leaving your place with her almost invisible smile in the dark but yet so precised. I'll miss not being to understand what your aunt says every time she speaks about something random. I'll miss your brothers, how they also seem to greet me with such filled joy. I'll miss you, most of all. We will rock you, F1, your surprised birthday party, your wallet, your picture in my wallet, bus rides, screaming at cockroaches, renting dvds together, hating your psp, your red shirt, your boots, my obsession with my nails, your boxers and your t-shirts, midnight cereal talks. I'm a human being, I did what i could for your family so they could see you in one piece. Everybody probably hates everybody now. Since when did we sign up for this. You shouldn't have said all those once again hurtful things to me. You said alot of things that has hurt me once again. You should learn to just take one step back and just gave me some air to breathe. For us, it was more than just trust alone. It was about our love, and everything that had to do with it. Where did it go? Why would an angry animal attack? It's frustrated, it's full of anger, it had no air, it was ready to kill. Families torn between, each one getting tired of the outcome of everything. I loved you so much. I did my best, i truely did. you will fall in love again someone else who isn't me. I know you too well. but what about me? I won't be able to. Thursday, October 16, 2008, 4:48 AM die died dead There is no more war to fight because the people at the war have all died The minute I came home, I crashed into my bed and refused to move. Eventually, I left asleep due to my good friend Bs. When having the hardest time falling asleep combined with constant nightmares, i'll say your doomed. Falling asleep wasn't the hardest, however it was once again filled with rotten agony. I hope my yellow fingers will just go back to normal in a snap of my other non-yellow fingers. I wished I could also snap my fingers for the things that happened too. It will never go away neither will it be written off history. I'm leaving in 2 months time so till then i've got to get by everyday till December. But, when i do return back to Singapore after that maybe i'll head off to somewhere too. Maybe take up an overseas course or just bum up life away outside of Singapore. Oh boy, I wished that was even possible. But I heard something my classmates were mingling around today and it definitely caught my attention. Maybe I'll head off to Perth. Start schooling there, living there for awhile perhaps. Why not rights? After all, Murdoch university is based there. Plus the different experience might do me good. My body's all soft and decaying away to the superpower acids roaming around in my system. To get my mind to stop thinking for just awhile is so extremely hard to achieve. When I do achieve it, it just adds onto the emptiness. There is nothing left for us, there wasn't me in your head in any form when that incident happened. I never asked you to picture my face, nor my voice. But I didn't even come in any form to your mind, nor did you want to even think about me that night. The truth was throw on the floor, I applaud you for your ability to throw everything down. But still, you had choices. I wasnt' any of your choices. Having 1 person breaking somebody's heart is so painful already. But having 2 people to do it, it's beyond painful. Don't tell me you know, because you are not me. I gave everything I possibly could even gave till I had nothing else to give. Of course you did too, but you stopped along the way. I gave you my whole heart, my whole being, my everything but I guess its time for me to take myself back. Enough of sad stories, I'll stop talking. Tuesday, October 14, 2008, 1:53 AM I know this is the part, where the end starts I can't sleep. Not been out the house. I'm getting both emotionally and physically sick. The more I can't sleep, the more thoughts run through my head. The more I see, the more i read. I'm so disgusted with the things you say. You're happily living your life right now, smiling, laughing. Going out with your friends, going on life as per normal. You got everything you wanted rights? A round of applause for you. Monday, October 13, 2008, 3:45 PM chaotic lifestyle & entangled heart affairs. chaotic lifestyle & entangled heart affairs. Without reason without explanation, one day things can turn over without a sound. The misconception of the pain of noise in your ears, when actually the silence is the killer of them all. You struggle as your being pulled underwater, you choke, you gasp and you scream, but nobody hears you. In your final seconds, you stop fighting the torture, you stop breathing. But wait! Eyes shot wide open, they resuscitate you without compassion. Every beat, every drum, you bury your hands into your chest. In a flicker of an eyelid, your in reverse yet still without a sound. Playing games with your mind, harboring uncontrollable actions, scenes and dreadful sounds. You scream your lungs out till they give way, then realize you no longer are in the waters anymore. Were you dreaming? Or were your thoughts frivolously driving you insane. You question yourself at every angle, what happened, was it real? Your skin's dry, your clothes unchanged. You let out a sigh, you put your hands to your face. You look around,why is your hair wet? Sunday, October 12, 2008, 6:54 PM The gods may throw a dice, their minds as cold as ice I wished i was dead, I wished I'd never have to wake up ever again in my life. All I hear is reasons " It wasn't intended to hurt you. " " It meant nothing" Are you happy? Are you satisfied you got what you want in the end? Are you going around telling your side of the story looking for everyone's pity? Are you so inhuman that you could do this to me? Are you liberated from your agony of undying love for him? Did greed get the better out of you both? What's the prize tell me, now this should be good. Attention? Popularity? Because i can't see it. But tell me does she kiss like I used to kiss you? Does it feel the same when she calls your name? Go ahead, break my heart more. Saturday, October 11, 2008, 11:26 PM warm tears and warm wine My dad's flight's about in 4hours time and i'm lying down on the floor. Hoping somehow or rather my dad could pack me into his suitcase and take me away. Signing me a airplane ticket would be out of the question but please send me away. Out of town, out of this world. I'll take it. Everytime i close my eyes, all i see is.... Friday, October 10, 2008, 11:55 PM How could you do this to me? What have I done to deserve this. How could you take a knife and stab my heart and say you did it for our relationship? What closure was needed when things from the past had ended so long ago. Weren’t you the one who said you weren’t going to go back to the past and even if I did, I could have gone back myself without you. Who re-lived the past and brought it back alive? You even made a pack with her and both of you were going to keep it to yourselves. So what if you told the truth to me? You crushed and threw my heart on the floor. I didn’t come all the way to have this happening to me. I didn’t put in all my love for you, all my time for you, and all my efforts for you to do something you claim was for our relationship. Show me how what you did was for our relationship, because i can't see it. Didn’t it occur to you that it would hurt me? Didn’t the resolution you both came out with would tear me apart and scar me for life? I guess it didn’t occur to any of you that it would. You guys have nothing but yourselves to blame. Are you both proud of you’ve done? Does it satisfy your long lost closure? People can say a lot, most of the time they don’t even know what they’re talking about. When they said you guys will always find a way to go back to each other, I chose to believe they were just stupid. But, maybe I was the stupid one all along. , 7:30 AM bleeding eyes bleeding eyes Closed off from love I didn't need the pain Once or twice was enough And it was all in vain Time starts to pass Before you know it you're frozen Lying on the floor with no strength, seize by the thought. There was it all so beautifully till i blinked my eyes. A fraction of a second, a breathe of air. Why did I open my eyes to find everything destroyed? Thursday, October 9, 2008, 12:29 PM Universe can you hear me? Universe can you hear me? Everyday I'm going earlier and earlier for school hoping to get my seat back! From those repulsive people in class who just can't seem to know that I've already chosen my seat since day1. Going through the 3rd term of school, i was utterly and completely positive with the whole new school outlook and everything else that came along with it. But noooooooo, the universe just wants me to stick out of the crowd and not be part of the whole school experience. So i've come to a conclusion and that would be I would just go along with the 'school flow', go to class and get it done and over with. What's the point in sticking yourself in when it's clearly shown that's not for you? I'll probably head home straight after school. It is already a lousy day. Wednesday, October 8, 2008, 1:04 PM Eagle vision Leopard stockings, red lips, and naked nails. Overdressed for school? Well, I like it. Eagle eyes here i come. Monday, October 6, 2008, 11:00 PM Stranger in this lonely town, this lonely town Stranger in this lonely town, this lonely town 4hours of sleep did not do me any justice in the long train ride to west in the morning. School has once again began. Friends of the world, that is not fun at all. Reflection of peace, shine upon us. With music streaming through our veins, open your doors and be your own illusionist. Wonder what tomorrow's gonna be like. hmmmm. xox. Sunday, October 5, 2008, 4:34 PM flashes of paranoia flashes of paranoia Taxi-cash crisis, Kat, fillet-o-fish, bus 15, belly piercing, bus 36, Jemie, Shaw house, Jeanette, subway, Takashimaya, Gen, Taka's stage, Forum macs, Glenn's, Audrey, Clarke quay central, Kat again, Boat quay , Baron's , Opera Estate, Bradley , Anton, no damn nuggets, burnt wedges , 2 mins horror 'show', flashing lights, moment of truth , bedok , tampines , milo & finally home. Someday you will see me at the Sunglasses Parade. Friday, October 3, 2008, 11:25 PM If you don't go to fun parks you're evil. If you don't go to fun parks you're evil. As amazing as this sounds, tomorrow is Saturday. Wooo-hooo. Apparently, I'm not as keen as I used to look forward to the weekends. Strange isn't it? I'm staying home this friday night, not knowing where the world is or knowing what it's up to. Moving around with a million and one things, thoughts and ideas buzzing in and out of my head. Crazy how the brain works within a flicker of a second. Having the latest obsession with the new tv series.....90210! It's quite an interest mix of teenage drama vs the society. Pick a book, take a picture & smoke up the air. xox. Wednesday, October 1, 2008, 9:34 PM playing with the holes in your vision playing with the holes in your vision Enjoying the wind from my window is awesome. Reminiscing blue skies and breezy days. Pretty much just stayed home today and bummed on the couch doing absolutely nothing. Better not waste my tomorrow. School is starting soon and I don't wish to think about it! I've got an idea where I might want to bum around tomorrow. I am such a bummer. xox. , 4:04 AM Hello. so this is me. hello. Strange as it is, I'm back from the dead. (: hello world. It's not like its not crazy enough. Queen zara? I like that Jemie, call me that from now onwards! goodnight.
But baby, where they knock you down and out Is where you oughta stay